Welcome to My Award

Welcome, to *Hollywood*.

Sometimes I don't even recognize myself, especially when I put ads up on line... to sell, my services.

Oh, my breasts come right out of my clavicle, and I also have an extra vageene, right underneath my armpit. Oh, I see a little black line, looks like a tomahawk. Guess I should shave.

These two douche-bags are announcing how great I am, et chetera, et chetera. Because I was entered in a *Hollywood* competition. I was the only one entered, guess who won? Let's have a look. Oh so good, I didn't even need to talk.

Brendad Ickson has porn-mouth.

Bllalalalalalalal. First thank your breasts, then thank your daddy. Always in that order.

Who needs to buy clothes when you can steal from the studio wardrobe?

I think I wore this dress meeting Mandy Kimper.

Stop! You can't remember a thing when you have syphilis.

First of all, thank you *Hollywood.*

Um... I was born with pubic hair -- oh god what am I saying?

I never met a zipper that didn't need a good tug. Show me the spam javelin.

I mean I eat sea monkeys cause I can always make more!

I have a big announcement: I'm going to open a brothel in Africa, just like Ofrah Whinney.

And finally, avoid cramps by staying away from girls. Goodnight.

I love this wetsuit because I'm left-handed, which means I'm better than everyone else!

Until I get a judickle restraining order, I keep stalking celebrities. Not even sure who this is. Huge Hefner? We might be related.

It doesn't even matter who this is, my face is slowly coming closer. Look it, it is almost right in front of you... it's so close, it's so close, come closer face!

"Lower your toxins," that's what this fatty told me. Trust me, grease calms me down.

I need surgery because one eye's higher than the other, so I've taken $10 out of your PayPal account, hahhaah.

I never go to the red carpet with a lazy uterus. Nor do I neither take photos with people that are better looking than me. See what I mean?

I think this is Constantine? Anyway, he discovered I wear jewelry everywhere until I reached under my skirt and pulled up my ring, now I had nothing holding my vageene together. Whoosh.

With a little cut and paste, I can be with anyone. And quite frankly, I get along with everyone... for what I want. I'm sure he knows how to punch a box.

How dare you axe me for a secret. I can tell you this: You can create your own conjugal visits with couscous and bunny buttons. I've always liked the touch of the tar... schticky.

You can make the words as big as you want, I still can't read. Seriously.

Nelson, I just don't understand your question about carpets or drapes. Sometimes I have blond hair or brown hair, but I'm on the red carpet. Hire yourself an interior designer, okay? I'm going to point to my breasts, distract you until you go away.

Oh, that's what you meant. Yes, red carpet, red drapes. Mmm.

I thank each of you for watching my triologee of three videos. Nice going junkies, here's your yum-yums.

Enjoy. I have to go shave my cat, so she knows she has nipples too.