Welcome to My Face-Off

Well hello. I've telepathed myself into the future to comment on how others can't do face or fashion... like I or me.

I don't like to be imitated. Ca-caw.

Oh yes, double eyes tried to do me. And then copy my videos.

Big hair doesn't stop your thoughts from escaping, two words: conditioner.

Who just spent a night with a pirate? Nice beard. Hoot.

I can't see your fat ass because of your small waist. How forgiving good lighting can be.

Don't spread, your accordion will start bellowing.

Shave the other side, no one likes a free buffet.

Nice look, if you're trying to conceal your third trimester.

Your face is just a reshepticle for fluids.

That's right, just load up on carbs. What the...? *snort* What the...? No, it goes in the hole in your face. It's just like prom night, you'll need to streeeeetch it out a little.

We get it, you're open for business.

You're fingering all the poses that I've liberated!

You're nothing! But a glamor-pussing, hot-bottomed, head-tilting cocoa fist.

Knock, knock. Only I wear red. And black. And red.

This means whore! Could you be more rapey?

Me, B. Dick, would never wear white, with a broken neck.

Nothing gets rid of flop sweats. Except for flops.

Even Hutterites knows, starve a fever, pick a boil and always brush down!

The Vaseline goes on the camera, not on your actual eye. Thank god my pores produce diamonds.

You know what I like about your lips? Nothing! But their sheer stupidity. You put the lipstick on, not off. Gives me... such pompous glory.

Let me judge you... I give you a 4, 5, whatever comes after 7 and keys to a hotel room.

Blend all you want, it doesn't erase poor bone structure.

No, I said put on a swimsuit, not take a whore bath. On top of it all, your knee has a boner--don't touch it, it leads to relationshits. Can't really wash away humiliation, can you?

I'm going to give you some important advice--don't walk away from m--do you have to look back at where you've been to see where you're going? Just look forward and walk! Stop looking back!

Oh, you were getting your blow-fish outfit. Another poor choice!

Cluck, cluck. More nasties from your wardrobe.

Remember, three pieces of ugly nary an outfit make.

Hope you're wearing bloomer so you don't spray everywhere.

Fashion doesn't need words, at least not yours.

It's nice to be liked just for an image. Look at me; this is how fashion kills.

Creepier fascination with emulating me. It's okay, this is just the penultimate. Ca-caw.