Welcome to My Home Part2

Welcome! Sorry I'm late, I gave myself a camel-toe and not the Dorothy Hamil kind.

Let me put my hands together.

You know, the one right down in my snackaterium... in my shaggy DA, in my messy cleft palate, and my most def. In the dirty old moose-hoof, in my fuzzy mimosa, in my busy furlough. God, I could use some trouser gravy right now.

Somesing you may not know about me: I take in purebreds and I give them a weave, then I tattoo eyebrows on them.

Well look at how big my vageene looks. It's a huge vageene. I've even had to underline it!

Now when I put you down little doggy, you're going to go run the camcorder. Cause you're gonna tape this and I'm going to sell this!

Oh, my thighs are so huge... watch me mount! *slurp* I'm now hermetically sealed the the bike. *slurp*

*heavy breathing* Okay, I'm exhausted. Something else you didn't know about me... I like going to the circus. I like playing whack-a-mole or pound-the-beaver.

Well, I'm 100% 50/50 that I can get down to my birth weight of 5 pounds 6 ounces.

Another diet tip is... if you get too much of anything in your mouth, just spit it out. God knows I do.

And with dieting, it's like life: As long as I don't bleed or cry, I'll do it.

Give yourself a chest camel-toe by lifting screws and nuts right under your chin! Well done. Kudos me! I made myself pregnant.

What the hell is thish words? Ah, the bottom line is, let me just paraphrase for you: If you... get skinny enough, you'll look like a lolly-pop: nice big head and a stick body, and that's the goal, ishn't it?

I just tattooed this cat this morning. Look at the good I do! Get the hell outta here.

I'm a pirate.

Here are the oos and oon'ts of dieting. Let me hold my vageene first. We're never, ever going to eat anything you see right here--especially that. That has sprouts and carrots and lettuce. When you consume those, they keep growing in your stomach... and they make you puffy.

They do! I tell you, they do, they do! That was acting. Thank you.

My shirt just threw up on my head, but if I hold my hands together and pretend I'm skinny... well, I hope you don't take umbrage with that.

I'm so exhausted, but that doesn't stop me from reading porn to the blind.

Standing and posing, it's just like pulling a trick now, isn't it? And you know how to do that! You haven't? Well let me ask you this: who hasn't traded a little quick sex in a toilet cubicle for a sawbuck before?

Well hello, amorous congress stick. You know what's good in my mouth? This carrot. I never met a carrot I didn't like... except for this one!

Welcome, to my ending. Remember, when you eat you're just a vacuum with nipples!