Welcome to My Home Part1

When do I look at the camera? When do I look?

Hi, what a surprise that you're here. Welcome, to my bathroom.

My fingers are... fused together. My thumb was broken in a acting accident.

I can't wait to show you more of my face. Look at my face. There's my face, there's my face. That's not my body, but this is my... face.

Here are four looks. I have four different emotions, they may seem the same... oh, there's my high-school grad picture and my picture from Woolworths.

I like to stare blankly into space. Aha, that's something I do.

When I was ten years old, I wore this dress. I just keep getting it altered. See, I still fit into my ten-year-old clothing. Look at that.

Oh, is that me on the wall? I drew it myself, with chalk!

I can't move, but boy, can I ever pose.

I wish there was a close-up on my face--there it is! *sigh* Wow, looking better and better all the time. That's a "beret," it's from Europe.

I really shouldn't be doing this... but I'm gonna have an ad for Ikea right now.

This is a complete Ikea closet, the bed is underneath my pants.

If you have a look, you can see that everything fits into this particle-board. You just paint it white, pull it out--oh, gold and silver. Those are my two signature colors.

What are legs good for? They're not good for pants, they're good for sitting!

It's after labor day and I am wearing white.

This is a very comfortable pose, this is how all the models do it.

This is called boobies. And this... is another picture of my face! I like putting Vaseline on the lens. It erases all lines that one may have on their face. It's a fashion face; a face full of fashion.

I eat so much fowl, I shit feathers.

It's winter, so I wear pantyhose with my open-toes sandals.

I only half-smile, so you grow want of my other teeth.

Click-click. Look like a teenager, don't I? Well, thankfully, my herpes are in remission right now , look: no blisters, not one... just a cold sore. Oh, that's herpes. *tsk* Oh, it's back.

I like to fill my breasts with photos of myself. One's bigger than the other because my hair is greater on one side.

This is live video footage of me, I don't blink. That's a huge part of fashion. Breathe in my eye, just some air. I do not blink, not at all. Good for me.

Here's what happens when I go down on my knees. I'm bending down right now, and I'm on my knees. There, I'm on my knees right now. I can really stay on my knees a very long time; huge part of fashion.

The look this season is clothes that don't fit correctly. These pants are way too tight, not my size. This top is completely not my size. Isn't it fashion?

This top doesn't fit at all. *laughter* *giggle*

These boots... don't fit. I wonder if belts fit? No, the belt does not fit either! *sigh*

Oh, these boots fit but the purse is the wrong size. I got this from Pick 'n Save. I'll tell you, their Halloween collection--not a lot to be desired.

This is an over-sized top. These are my breasts. I have two of them. I even out my breasts on my own.

It's still the same Woolco photo from earlier, I just cropped it to make it larger--oh, I cropped it again.

I'm really, really good with scissors. I'll tell you that much.

Here's what I wear to bed. It's... it's like a trap, a spider trap. I get them into my boudro and then I-I eat their head off. They're absolutely delicious.

I always wanted to be on Dynasty. But here's two things: a nipple and a tertiary nipple. I have two nipples... Ah, my tummy does not have any support right now, that's just me. And white shoes... it's before and after Labor day.

I wanted to show you this necklace. I'm wearing a gold necklace, ah with diamonds, I wear it in every single shot. Every single one.

Watch this: presto-chang-o!

Let's go up a little bit, let me get on my knees. I'm going down. Look what's there: it's a heart diamond necklace. If you see on my l-right hand side, that's my kitty-cat. I named it Chester and I... it was absolutely delicious.

And I'm also part of a Chipewyan tribe. I thought I looked very... native, north American in this.

I like to bring out my culture, my taste... Oh, when you open your legs ladies, watch the seagulls. Sometimes they come aflock and... they're your friends too! I could make a hat out of most of them.

Let's open microwave and see what I've made! Enjoy some popcorn. Absolutely yums! Yes I do eat solid food.

But I have four microwaves stacked on top of each other for when company comes over. My door is always welcome to you.

For Halloween I'm going to dress up as... a hooker! Won't that be fun? Look at all the choices I have. Oh, the kids just love it.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRS oh what's next, I can't remember what's next UVWXYZ!

I wish I was Jaclyn Smith, but I'm not... so here's my face double.

Okay, I like to put make-up over my make-up, and then tattoo my make-up on. I got it from Pick 'n Save. I'm already tattooed, but you can never have... enough, you know, can you?

My schedule is free, so I'm available for donkey shows, for grand openings, for sales. I'm good at telemarketing, and flourishes; watch the hand.

So, you know for Halloween, this is how we're going to look. Some people use this as a daily look. It's Halloween every day in my house!